Getting myself off the wheel and back into life…
Soooo…. This self-care and mindfulness talk has been going around for quite a while. “Go try yoga!” a friend said. “you really need to write in a gratitude journal” another friend said. “you definitely need meditation” another one said. To be honest I was getting a little bit over everyone telling me what I ‘should’ do. I’m a bit a rebel like that, tell me to do something and I’m quite likely to do the opposite…
But, the least 6 months have been life changing for me. It was like a switch flicked and I woke up to my life. Was there any one thing that happened? Nope. Not that I can put my finger on. But was more a series of small things and some new chapters starting with my oldest starting school and my youngest deciding finally that sleep at night was actually not a bad thing. They all culminated into a slight meltdown.
I realised that I felt like a mouse on a wheel. All I did constantly was RUN. I was just ‘busy’ all the time. And ironically just like a mouse on a wheel, I didn’t feel like I was actually getting anywhere. I was tired. My brain was foggy. My passion dipped. I was snappy. And I even lost my creativity. It was kind of like driving on a road at 100kms an hour but having no idea why you were doing it or where you were going.
Cue, reflection time.
I am an analyser. My brain is always looking at situations and solving problems. But for this I actually need to stop and take a step back and look around me at what was happening. Where was my business? Where was my family? Where were my friends? Where was I?
What I realised is that nothing was where I wanted it to be. So I started trying new things to change it. I stopped working at nights. I tried a gratitude journal. I tried to take time off (I failed dismally!). I looked back at why I started. I spoke to friends. Piece by piece I started to pull myself back together. Piece by piece I realised the things that needed to change.
Even with lots in place there were still some challenges. And a session with Sarah from Bloom Wellbeing, really helped me on my way. She gave me some tools to use when things became overwhelming. And we talked about the challenges I was facing. There was no judgment, just understanding. I realised that a big part of my challenges was not exercising and not being able to take time out for me to recharge.
Through this I realised what I wanted for my family, my business and my health. I decided to outsource more of the admin side of my business, so I could spend more time working on why I actually do what I do – supporting women (and this also led to the relaunch and rebrand of She Nurtures). I cut my work days down to 3, so while they would be jampacked I had 2 days that I could go for walks, linger at school drop off and look after me.
In addition, Sarah has also shared some mindfulness tips. I knew a lot about mindfulness and its benefits, but really hadn’t thought it would help me. I have been taking baby steps. Stopping myself to soak up the fresh air. Listening to the sounds around me. Smelling the sweet scent of my essential oils diffusing. Embracing the feeling of a hug from my husband. And relishing the taste of my food. Trying yoga and meditation (I’m still working on the meditation!).
On the weekend it was my best friends baby shower. I spent that day absorbing my surroundings. The smile on her face, the laughs of all the women, the scents of pastries and food, the love and generosity, the coming together of her village. Today after school drop off (which was a bit of a stressful one), I headed down to my local beach. I grabbed myself a juice. I sat on the grass. I breathed in the fresh air. I stretched my body without worrying what people may think. I took off my thongs and felt the grass on my feet.
Yesterday I read a wonderful article about the disease of busy (I will pop a link below) and how we have almost forgotten how to ‘be’ humans. I totally believe I was caught up in this disease thinking it was how my life needed to be.
But as I drove home, I realised that I had changed. I was beginning to notice all the things around me again. I noticed how green the trees were. I smiled at the grandmother taking her grandson to the beach, even though it meant waiting for them to unpack their car. I sung and danced along to my favourite songs on the radio, not caring if anyone saw me. I felt gratitude for all the things I had right there in that moment. I have woken up. I have awoken to the wonder of my life. To how ‘rich’ I am, not in money, but in the things that matter, in my friends, my family and the work I get to do each day. That right here, right now. I am finally a human being. Not just a human doing.
Bloom Wellbeing: http://www.bloomwellbeing.com.au
The Disease of Busy Article: http://onbeing.org/blog/the-disease-of-being-busy/